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Doesn't Take Much and That's Messed Up - 2004-03-15 |
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Jay Elias | You can take it with you
"I have wasted Time, and now doth
Time waste me"
- Richard II
2003-04-05- 4:17 p.m.
Always Knew It'd Come To This
All I want in dis creation
Is pretty little wife and big plantation.
- Northrup, Twelve Years A Slave
It all starts out with Leonardo de Vinci, I suppose. Maybe before him, people were content at just doing the best they could. But Leonardo, that bastard, he had to go out and just be so great at everything he tried; a sort of uni-talented idiot savant. Recently I saw the exhibit Leonardo, Master Draftsman at the Met, a collection of his sketches and practice drawings. Included in the works were several leaves of a treatise that De Vinci wrote, on the subject of the flow patterns of rivers. Originally a subject of his study for a planned painting, he spent two years assembling his theories and proofs, and broke new ground as a marine scientist, before going back to his multitude of other interests.
And I’m not certain, but I’ll bet dollars to doughnuts that there was some Florentine who had dedicated his life to the study of rivers, and who had to eat his pride when that De Vinci dilettante bested him as a hobby.
At my grandfather’s funeral, right after I returned from Israel, there was a man I met who spoke at the ceremony. He had worked for my grandfather’s company for a year right after he finished college, starting in the mailroom. In the thirty years that followed, this man became both a Ph.D. and a millionaire. He said he would not have been able to attain his success without the help and support of my grandfather, and he thanked him for making his life possible. And at the end, he said that my grandfather was the last of the true renaissance men, and that he was privileged to have known him.
I was always so proud of my grandfather, but never more so than at that moment. And so it was then that I decided that I wanted to be like him, to be what that man saw and so admired, and perhaps earn the act of someone saying such things over my grave. And I’d say it was all downhill from there except that I hadn’t made much of a climb yet anyway.
Last night I fought on the phone with Rachel for two hours, and sometime near the end, she told me that just because her vocabulary isn’t as good as mine doesn’t mean that she’s stupid. I told her that I don’t consider vocabulary to be a good indicator of intelligence anyways, and then she got exasperated and wondered why I use such big and uncommon words if not to make her feel stupid. And then I lost it. It is because I believe that words hold the keys to our ability to express our thoughts and feelings, I told her; that the right combination of words can be a key to making me understood. This is the whole reason I’m here, I shouted at her, the only fucking purpose that I have. I use the words that I use because that is what I mean when I speak. Shortly after that, we hung up, and I haven’t heard from her since.
I guess this means that my tenth grade English teacher was right. She told me that no one likes a smart-mouth dilettante.
It is a tough moment when one finally realizes that one isn’t up to the tasks that one set out to accomplish. When I was learning the English language, I wish someone had told me just how many meanings ‘capable’ could have. It’s a rude awakening, and there’s more in store…
Copyright © 2001, 2002 - EoZ
Productions
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If you want to make me
famous or just complain: Jay Elias -
jelias@diaryland.com
Older
Doesn't Take Much and That's Messed Up - 2004-03-15
Like Water Under Bridges - 2003-09-08
Jesus On The Dashboard - 2003-08-13
An Administrative Announcement - 2003-08-11
Don't Worry, It's Coming - 2003-08-02
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