Jay Elias | You can take it with you

"I have wasted Time, and now doth
Time waste me"
- Richard II

2002-01-29- 11:28 p.m.

Get Thee Behind Me, Satan

The town of Inglis, Florida banned the devil today.
I feel bad for poor old Lucifer Morningstar. It isn’t like he didn’t already have enough trouble. He has the shame of having been cast out of heaven. He has the stress of having to be responsible for half the preparations for the big ole ‘Judgment Day’ hoedown. He’s out there, slaving away to make sure he can keep on being able to afford to pay people any price for their souls. And now, on top of all that, if he passes through Inglis, he’ll have to, like, pay a fine or something.
I’m realizing lately that I’ve gotten to a disturbing age. I’m the sort who notices nice looking girls when I’m out places. I don’t ogle or anything, but I like to keep abreast of the fact that I haven’t adopted the lifestyle of a paramecium and still find the opposite sex attractive. It’s a hobby, what can I say. And in a city so lacking in interesting architecture, or other aesthetic pleasures like, I dunno, trees, New York’s plethora of women who aren’t hard on the eyes make for a decent pick-me-up in the waiting for the R train at 7:45 AM.
But over the last year or so, I’ve noticed more and more that a lot of the women I find attractive have wedding bands on. Bad news. And over the last few months, I’ve found myself noticing women, and then seeing that they are in the act of pushing a fucking stroller.
That’s right, I’ve reached the point in my life where half the women I find attractive are already taken. I’m screwed. In a few years, I’ll be mail-ordering myself a bride.
My days of moderately casual sex are numbered too. I refuse to become involved with a married woman. And yes, the situation has come up before. My reasoning is that (with a great deal of luck) I will be married someday. And while I’m sure I’ll have a loving, doting wife, sooner or later, she’ll have an opportunity to cheat. And sooner or later, one of those opportunities will tempt her.
I don’t believe in karma or anything like that. But I like to imagine that perhaps I’m not the only guy who won’t cross that line, no matter what. And while perhaps guys like me only make up, say one percent of all guys, I can hold out in the hope that the guy my future theoretical wife is tempted to cheat on me with is part of my one percent. Sure, shitty odds and all, but all the better if I manage to live up to the standard I set for myself, right?
I suppose that means that I’ll have to keep my peace about my growing crush on Stef. God, damn it all to hell, right?

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Doesn't Take Much and That's Messed Up - 2004-03-15
Like Water Under Bridges - 2003-09-08
Jesus On The Dashboard - 2003-08-13
An Administrative Announcement - 2003-08-11
Don't Worry, It's Coming - 2003-08-02

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