Jay Elias | You can take it with you

"I have wasted Time, and now doth
Time waste me"
- Richard II

2002-03-11- 9:52 p.m.

Green Pastures

Well, things are pretty good.
God, it feels really funny to write that.
Work is good. It is very exhausting, and the hours aren’t getting any better, but everyone likes me and thinks I’m doing a good job. It is taking some getting used to, but I’m feeling pretty secure in that area of my life. I went to one of my bosses last week and told her I wanted to come talk to her at some point soon about getting a raise, and she didn’t even flinch as she said that she’d be happy to, and that they would find the money somewhere. Petty bitching about my job will continue, to be sure, but let me just go on record now as saying that I like my job, I like the people I work with, and that as a rule, they pretty much like and respect me.
Not only do things seem to be going well at work, but I’m pretty happy with how my personal life is going. Despite a hectic and draining work schedule, I’m doing a respectable job of keeping my apartment fairly neat and organized. Which is a victory in a long-fought war for me. I loathe mess, and I don’t function well in it, but I seem to always lack the discipline to do a good job of preventing it. But right now, I feel okay about it.
My battle of self-improvement goes well too. I’ve seen two plays in the last month, which is more than in the previous year, and have plans to see a third possibly as soon as this weekend. I’ve been seeing good movies, and many of them aren’t ones I’ve seen before. I’ve even begun rereading one of the best books I ever had to read in college, “The History Of The Peloponnesian War” by Thucydides. Yes, I’m a pretentious fuck. Next on my reading list is a short novel by Tolstoy too. Hah. And not to neglect the body for the mind, I must share with you that I am down to a very respectable one hundred and seventy pounds. I’m not lean by any standard, to be sure, but I’m proud to not be even close to pushing two hundred anymore. But all of this is just buildup to the most shocking revelation of all…
It seems, to the casual observer that I am, that I am in love.
With someone who apparently loves me back.
Huh.
One day soon, I’m going to write about this, about how strange and wonderful and frightening it is to be in love again. One day soon, I’ll tell you all about it, about how the thing I find most amazing about her is that when I fall asleep next to her, she radiates warmth in a way that goes into my marrow, and makes me feel like there is a warm center in the morning cold. One day.
But for right now, I’m going to just sit back, and leave the keyboard alone for a little while. It is good to think about these things, to ponder one’s life. I believe that, truly.
But for right now, I’m going to just lay back and enjoy it. Things are pretty good right now. I’m not sure I’ve earned it, and I don’t know if I deserve it, but I’m liking it, and maybe for tonight, for this week even, that is good enough for me. It has been a long time. I don’t know any more today that I did before about where I will be, but I’m happy with where I am for now.
I think I’ll take a moment, and just enjoy the view.

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If you want to make me
famous or just complain: Jay Elias -
jelias@diaryland.com

Older

Doesn't Take Much and That's Messed Up - 2004-03-15
Like Water Under Bridges - 2003-09-08
Jesus On The Dashboard - 2003-08-13
An Administrative Announcement - 2003-08-11
Don't Worry, It's Coming - 2003-08-02

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