"I have wasted Time, and now doth
Time waste me"
- Richard II

                                                    
                                        
2002-12-11- 3:19 p.m.

Brighter Than The City Lights

                                            I owe all of you a hearty thanks for this; it is a tremendous honor of which I am unsure that I am deserving.  I hope that all of you make a point of checking out Sasha and Jen, each of whom were at least as deserving as I.  It occurs to me that in addition, in the last month this journal has seen both its one hundredth entry and its one-year anniversary.  In my relentless efforts to cling to my ‘Y’ chromosome, I forgot to note either event as it occurred, but upon reflection, I’d like to pat myself on the back for managing to stick to it for so long, and to thank all of you sincerely for sharing it with me.  Perhaps it often goes without saying, but none of this would be possible, much less worthwhile, if it wasn’t for all of you.
I was thinking about writing something in here about Mayor Bloomberg and the possible transit strike here in New York City.  Nothing particularly informed, of course; on the list of things I’m totally useless about, economic issues and collective bargaining are near the top.  My principle sentiment on the subject stems from the idea that Bloomberg ran for mayor largely on a platform of “I may have no experience as a politician, but I know how to run a business real well and that is what New York needs right now.”  And it occurs to me that since Mayor Bloomberg took office, we’ve seen a whole bunch of tax increases, a whole bunch of service cutbacks, and now we’re about to see the American city most dependent on public transportation become utterly crippled during one of the coldest Decembers in recent history two weeks before Christmas when retailers are still struggling to stay alive in a sluggish economy.  If New York City was a business, then CEO Mike would be seeing its stock get dumped almost as fast as Martha Stewart.
But what do I know about it?  Since I came up with the idea, I’ve hit my own fiscal crisis of sorts.  The disaster I’ve been seeing on the horizon for a while is now nearer than the annual defrosting of Dick Clark, and my sense of panic is palpable.  And I’m hardly certain that I will be able to find my way out of it.  Among my talents in my life, being able to find means of getting by situations has always been one of my stronger suits.  That talent is being tested now, and tested severely.  The irony is that so much else has been going so well.  I feel a great deal like John Travolta in Primary Colors, banging about in the bathroom and screaming that I just can’t catch a break.  But much like in the movie, it isn’t that I’m not catching a break at all.  This is the bed I made.  These are my chickens looking for a place to roost.  This is the girl I brought to the dance, and I should have known that she’d want to dance with me.
All of my life, one thing I have never questioned is that I am smart.  I may be or have been lazy, or bad looking, or arrogant, or mean, or any other number of adjectives that essentially boil down to “bad”, but the notion that I was rather bright was never something I doubted.  But in this time of crisis, I can’t help looking at my actions and realizing that it isn’t merely that I did something dumb and may end up paying the consequences, but rather that I have made error on top of error, and then fallen into that childish trap of thinking that if I just didn’t acknowledge the problem, it would go away.  
Which leads to the conclusion that perhaps I am rather stupid after all.  Shame to only be realizing this now.  It is ironic, of course.  When we used to play that game where you have to choose between being blind or being deaf, I always used to wonder how difficult it would be to have to go through life being dumb.  I thought it would be a much more significant impediment than the other two.  I suppose now, I’ll get to find out all about it.


                                            

                                                

                                            
                                        
                                            
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Doesn't Take Much and That's Messed Up - 2004-03-15
 Like Water Under Bridges - 2003-09-08
 Jesus On The Dashboard - 2003-08-13
 An Administrative Announcement - 2003-08-11
 Don't Worry, It's Coming - 2003-08-02
 

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